Today is Dec. 20, 2007 and I am sick of being the way I am ... AGAIN! Time for a fresh start - a new beginning. Thank God that I don't have to wait for "New Year's" to make a brand new start.Just how many times am I going to have to repeat this process!? It's funny ... I just thought of this commercial that is airing on TV right now ... It's by that guy who has invented the fancy vacuum cleaner (not Oreck) and he says something like it took over 5000 prototypes before he finally made the one that worked. (Yes, that's a sign that I have been watching too much TV - will someone please come hide my remote??) I think of a quote attributed to Thomas Edison regarding his inventing the light bulb: "I didn’t fail ten thousand times. I successfully eliminated, ten thousand times, materials and combinations which wouldn’t work."
So I guess a great deal of the Christian walk is to just keep on keeping on until we get it right!
It was almost 6 months ago to the date that I went through a similar "metamorphosis" ... I was coming out of that sexual relationship with S.G., drowning in the guilt and shame of both that relationship and the end of my romantic relationship with M.J. The date was June 22. Time for another rebirth…I am learning more and more about my ongoing struggle with isolation ... hating every minute of it while at the same time loving every minute. Jenn has been my lifeline - I have been in communication with her daily either by phone, chat or email (often all three). Each email or text message of encouragement that I have rec'd from each of you has been invaluable ... even though may now show it or respond immediately.It might not seem like it - but just staying in touch with Jenn was a huge victory for me. I have made a promise to her and to myself that I will continue to make progress in this area of my life by reaching out to others. I love each of you - but it's so hard. There is so much guilt and shame wrapped up in feeling like a spiritual failure! My pride tells me I am not setting the right example for you. But I have to come back to these facts: even in the midst of isolation, God has been working in and through me. Here are a couple of lies that the enemy attacks me with in the midst of these times of isolation and withdrawal:
*… that I have been too open and too vulnerable with people in CR
*… that I am being judged for not being at CR and for withdrawing – that people are withdrawing from me because I am “in sin” (even when I am not)
I must admit that my feelings get hurt when I don’t hear from people, especially others in CR leadership … and I now recognize this as an ugly pattern that has plagued me my entire life. I know that it’s wrapped up in feelings of rejection, pride and the need for attention.
I feel the need to justify why I have not been at CR and in isolation. Is that pride? Or is that accountability? Both? Are there amends that need to be made?
I also believe that in some strange way I have needed the downtime of the past few weeks ... needed the isolation ... to recoup from the events of the past 3 months. So I will not beat myself up ... I will simply complete an inventory of my life - recognize patterns - identify weaknesses - and press on.
Part of my isolation comes from being physically ill – part from needing “downtime” and part from depression … oh yea, and probably some just plain laziness mixed in!
I also know that there a few situations in my life that I seriously need to do a 4th and 5th step on … and I have been putting that off! I have definitely had the desire to “run away!” But it’s time to give myself a huge Christmas present and work through these situations in a healthy way and deal with them once and for all!
I read back over this … and I feel like I have rambled along with no direction. I know that these thoughts and feelings have been racing around inside of heart and mind for about a week now and that I need to share them with you as my friends and as my co-workers in CR ministry.
So this is my journey … the road I am on … thanks for listening. Please say a special prayer for me as I continue to work through this “stuff” over the next few days. I will not give up! My confidence is in Christ.
2 Corinthians 3:4-6 (New American Standard Bible)
“Such confidence we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God, who also made us adequate as servants of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.”
2 Corinthians 3:4-6 (New Living Translation)
“We are confident of all this because of our great trust in God through Christ. It is not that we think we are qualified to do anything on our own. Our qualification comes from God. He has enabled us to be ministers of his new covenant. This is a covenant not of written laws, but of the Spirit. The old written covenant ends in death; but under the new covenant, the Spirit gives life.”
P.S. Am I the only one who struggles with this tendency to isolate and withdraw??
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Reflections on James Chapter 1
There are so many things that I need to be doing that I am not doing!! Do you ever feel like this? And I ask myself - why do I find myself back in this situation time and time again?! Am I ever going to conquer this battle of inconsistency!?
God has been bringing me back to the book of James for over a week now. This morning I read the chapter summary (beginning of James) and the recap (after the last chapter). I also read chapter 1 and wrote about it in my journal. In the midst of reading through chapter 1, God clearly spoke to me about several things ... here are some of the things I wrote in my journal:
From the Life Recovery Bible: "James challenges us to be full of wisdom, faith, forgiveness, self-control and generosity to others ... to do what God asks us to do: to OBEY Him. Wise decisions are rooted in a vital faith in God. To fully believe that whatever we ask for in faith will be granted." (Have I ever told you that I highlight every verse in my Bible that has to do with prayer or that is a prayer in green? I have been doing this for years and it helps me to identify key passages quickly. I also highlight my prayer requests and answers to prayer in green in my journal.)
Help me God to make wise decisions today in these areas:
Food choices
Exercise
Finances
New relationship with an old friend from JR High School
Job Hunt
My business
Organize/Cleaning of my house
Priorities
"God WILL supply the wisdom I need!"
Surround me with good role models! Please God, breathe life into my faith!
Trials and problems = opportunity to pray for wisdom, to ask God to give us patience and to learn to depend on Him. (From the Life Recovery Bible)
My speech is a reflection of what is in my heart - I must check my speech for clues to my inner strength and weaknesses. Inner change is reflected in my speech. (From the Life Recovery Bible)
I have also been binging this week and eating worse than I have eaten in a long time! UGH!!! This must stop! I have been eating just for the sake of eating - even when I am clearly not hungry!! Using my illness as an "excuse". Not keeping healthy alternatives at home. Last night I made brownies and ate HALF of them! I haven't turned to food like this in a LONG time!
I AM HIS CHOSEN ONE - HIS PRIZED POSSESSION ... and so are YOU!
James 1:18 (New Living Translation)
"He chose to give birth to us by giving us his true word. And we, out of all creation, became his prized possession."
James 1:18 (New Century Version)
"God decided to give us life through the word of truth so we might be the most important of all the things he made."
OBEY!
James 1:22-24 (New Living Translation)
"But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like."
I confessed my sins to my accountability partner and asked for accountability in the areas of staying in God's Word, doing a 4th & 5th step regarding a certain relationship and overeating/turning to food for comfort and happiness. I also plan on camping out in the book of James this week - seeking and asking for wisdom, the desire to obey Him in all things and learning to depend on Him in the midst of my trials and problems.
My Prayer for You:
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17 (New Living Translation)
"Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal comfort and a wonderful hope, comfort you and strengthen you in every good thing you do and say.'
God has been bringing me back to the book of James for over a week now. This morning I read the chapter summary (beginning of James) and the recap (after the last chapter). I also read chapter 1 and wrote about it in my journal. In the midst of reading through chapter 1, God clearly spoke to me about several things ... here are some of the things I wrote in my journal:
From the Life Recovery Bible: "James challenges us to be full of wisdom, faith, forgiveness, self-control and generosity to others ... to do what God asks us to do: to OBEY Him. Wise decisions are rooted in a vital faith in God. To fully believe that whatever we ask for in faith will be granted." (Have I ever told you that I highlight every verse in my Bible that has to do with prayer or that is a prayer in green? I have been doing this for years and it helps me to identify key passages quickly. I also highlight my prayer requests and answers to prayer in green in my journal.)
Help me God to make wise decisions today in these areas:
Food choices
Exercise
Finances
New relationship with an old friend from JR High School
Job Hunt
My business
Organize/Cleaning of my house
Priorities
"God WILL supply the wisdom I need!"
Surround me with good role models! Please God, breathe life into my faith!
Trials and problems = opportunity to pray for wisdom, to ask God to give us patience and to learn to depend on Him. (From the Life Recovery Bible)
My speech is a reflection of what is in my heart - I must check my speech for clues to my inner strength and weaknesses. Inner change is reflected in my speech. (From the Life Recovery Bible)
I have also been binging this week and eating worse than I have eaten in a long time! UGH!!! This must stop! I have been eating just for the sake of eating - even when I am clearly not hungry!! Using my illness as an "excuse". Not keeping healthy alternatives at home. Last night I made brownies and ate HALF of them! I haven't turned to food like this in a LONG time!
I AM HIS CHOSEN ONE - HIS PRIZED POSSESSION ... and so are YOU!
James 1:18 (New Living Translation)
"He chose to give birth to us by giving us his true word. And we, out of all creation, became his prized possession."
James 1:18 (New Century Version)
"God decided to give us life through the word of truth so we might be the most important of all the things he made."
OBEY!
James 1:22-24 (New Living Translation)
"But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like."
I confessed my sins to my accountability partner and asked for accountability in the areas of staying in God's Word, doing a 4th & 5th step regarding a certain relationship and overeating/turning to food for comfort and happiness. I also plan on camping out in the book of James this week - seeking and asking for wisdom, the desire to obey Him in all things and learning to depend on Him in the midst of my trials and problems.
My Prayer for You:
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17 (New Living Translation)
"Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal comfort and a wonderful hope, comfort you and strengthen you in every good thing you do and say.'
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
The Christmas Storm
This is one of my favorite Christmas stories. It is told every year by Paul Harvey on the radio:
THE CHRISTMAS STORM: A Modern Parable by Paul Harvey
"This is about a modern man, one of us, he was not a scrooge, he was a kind, decent, mostly good man, generous to his family, upright in his dealings with others. But he did not believe in all that incarnation stuff that the Churches proclaim at Christmas time. It just didn’t make sense to him and he was too honest to pretend otherwise. He just could not swallow the Jesus story about God coming to earth as man. I’m truly sorry to distress you, he told his wife, but I’m not going with you to church this Christmas Eve. He said he’d feel like a hypocrite. That he would much rather stay home, but that he would wait up for them. He stayed, they went. Shortly after the family drove away in the car, snow began to fall. He went to the window to watch the flurries getting heavier and heavier, then went back to his fireside chair and began to read his newspaper. Minutes later he was startled by a thudding sound. Then another and another. At first he thought someone must be throwing snowballs against his living room window. Well, when he went to the front door, he found a flock of birds huddled miserably in the snow. They had been caught in the storm and in a desperate search for shelter they had tried to fly through his large landscape window. Well, he couldn’t let the poor creatures lie there and freeze. He remembered the barn where his children stabled their pony. That would provide a warm shelter -- if he could direct the birds to it. He quickly put on his coat and galoshes, trampled through the deepening snow to the barn, opened the door wide, and turned on a light. But the birds did not come in. He figured food would entice them in and he hurried back to the house, fetched bread crumbs, sprinkled them on the snow making a trail to the yellow lighted wide open doorway of the stable, but to his dismay the birds ignored the bread crumbs, and continued to flap around helplessly in the snow. He tried catching them, he tried shooing them into the barn by walking around them waving his arms -- instead they scattered in every direction except into the warm lighted barn. Then he realized they were afraid of him. To them, he reasoned, I am a strange and terrifying creature, if only I could think of some way to let them know they can trust me. That I’m not trying to hurt them, but to help them. How? Any move he made tended to frighten them, confuse them. They just would not follow. They would not be led or shooed because they feared him. If only be a bird myself he thought. If only I could be a bird and mingle with them and speak their language, and tell them not to be afraid, and show them the way to the safe, warm barn. But I'd have to be one of them, so they could see and hear and understand.
At that moment the church bells began to ring. The sound reached his ears above the sound of the wind. He stood there listening to the bells. Adeste Fideles. Listening to the bells pealing the glad tidings of Christmas. And he sank to his knees in the snow.
THE CHRISTMAS STORM: A Modern Parable by Paul Harvey
"This is about a modern man, one of us, he was not a scrooge, he was a kind, decent, mostly good man, generous to his family, upright in his dealings with others. But he did not believe in all that incarnation stuff that the Churches proclaim at Christmas time. It just didn’t make sense to him and he was too honest to pretend otherwise. He just could not swallow the Jesus story about God coming to earth as man. I’m truly sorry to distress you, he told his wife, but I’m not going with you to church this Christmas Eve. He said he’d feel like a hypocrite. That he would much rather stay home, but that he would wait up for them. He stayed, they went. Shortly after the family drove away in the car, snow began to fall. He went to the window to watch the flurries getting heavier and heavier, then went back to his fireside chair and began to read his newspaper. Minutes later he was startled by a thudding sound. Then another and another. At first he thought someone must be throwing snowballs against his living room window. Well, when he went to the front door, he found a flock of birds huddled miserably in the snow. They had been caught in the storm and in a desperate search for shelter they had tried to fly through his large landscape window. Well, he couldn’t let the poor creatures lie there and freeze. He remembered the barn where his children stabled their pony. That would provide a warm shelter -- if he could direct the birds to it. He quickly put on his coat and galoshes, trampled through the deepening snow to the barn, opened the door wide, and turned on a light. But the birds did not come in. He figured food would entice them in and he hurried back to the house, fetched bread crumbs, sprinkled them on the snow making a trail to the yellow lighted wide open doorway of the stable, but to his dismay the birds ignored the bread crumbs, and continued to flap around helplessly in the snow. He tried catching them, he tried shooing them into the barn by walking around them waving his arms -- instead they scattered in every direction except into the warm lighted barn. Then he realized they were afraid of him. To them, he reasoned, I am a strange and terrifying creature, if only I could think of some way to let them know they can trust me. That I’m not trying to hurt them, but to help them. How? Any move he made tended to frighten them, confuse them. They just would not follow. They would not be led or shooed because they feared him. If only be a bird myself he thought. If only I could be a bird and mingle with them and speak their language, and tell them not to be afraid, and show them the way to the safe, warm barn. But I'd have to be one of them, so they could see and hear and understand.
At that moment the church bells began to ring. The sound reached his ears above the sound of the wind. He stood there listening to the bells. Adeste Fideles. Listening to the bells pealing the glad tidings of Christmas. And he sank to his knees in the snow.
Isaiah 9:6 "For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The Mighty God, The Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace."
Isaiah 7:14 "Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel."
Immanuel literally means "God with us." Immanuel or Emmanuel or Imanu'el (עִמָּנוּאֵל "God [is] with us" consists of two Hebrew words: אל (El, meaning 'God') and עמנו (Immanu, meaning 'with us'); Standard Hebrew ʻImmanuʼel, Tiberian Hebrew ʻImmānûʼēl). It is a name used in the Bible in Isaiah 7:14 and Isaiah 8:8. It also appears in Matthew 1:23 in the Christian New Testament.
Isaiah 7:14 "Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel."
Immanuel literally means "God with us." Immanuel or Emmanuel or Imanu'el (עִמָּנוּאֵל "God [is] with us" consists of two Hebrew words: אל (El, meaning 'God') and עמנו (Immanu, meaning 'with us'); Standard Hebrew ʻImmanuʼel, Tiberian Hebrew ʻImmānûʼēl). It is a name used in the Bible in Isaiah 7:14 and Isaiah 8:8. It also appears in Matthew 1:23 in the Christian New Testament.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Undone & Complete
Written on 11/08/07
So much has happened in the past two months since I last wrote in my blog.
*The death of my beloved father
*Getting laid off from my job
*The death of a dear friend
*My oldest son being put back in jail for violation of his probation
Monday was one of the worst days of my life. This week I feel like I have been “hit by a train” – and then it stopped and decided to back up over me! I’m sure each of you have felt that way at some point in your life – if not, inevitably, you will.
My undying thanks to God and to the blessed friends He has put in my life – prayer warriors, friends who listen and who speak Truth to me. I could not have made it through the past couple of days without you!
Let me share a few of my thoughts written in my journal yesterday:
Earlier this morning, God brought 2 things to my mind:
1. The song “Undone” by Mercy Me – which is my “life song”:
When I am overwhelmedHolding pieces of my heart
When I feel my worldStart to fall apart
To the cross I run
Holding high my chains undone
Now I am finally free
Free to be what I've become
Undone
Even in defeat
The face of tragedy
Still you'd have to say thatI found victory
In brokenness comes beauty
Divine fragility
Reminding me of nail scarred hands
Reaching out for me
The words speak for themselves.
2. A few months ago I wrote down my own “Jabez Prayer”. I pray that prayer daily out loud. I realize now that this prayer is not just about God doing the impossible and about God blessing me with good things but ALSO about God doing the impossible IN the bad things and blessing me in the midst of them.
Quote from “My Jabez Prayer”:
My God and King, please expand my opportunities and my impact I such a way that I touch more lives for Your glory. Let me do more for You! I want to be Your servant.
URGENTLY accomplish great things THROUGH me!
Even now, enlarge my borders – Send somebody who needs me – who needs You!
Time and time again I will attempt things large enough that failure is guaranteed … unless YOU step in!
Oh, that Your hand would be with me! Release Your power to accomplish Your will and bring YOU glory through all the seeming impossibilities. Continue the great things You have begun in my life.
I depend on the strong hand of my God. Turn my surrendered need into Your unlimited opportunity. Please do this IN me because I cannot do it alone! I will shout, “God did THIS – nobody else! God is carrying me, giving me the words and giving me the power – and it is wonderful!”
3. And then sitting here in my chair, God brings to mind Scriptures I read a few days ago:
Psalm 119:25: “I lie in the dust, completely discouraged. Revive me by Your Word.”
Psalm 119:28: “I weep with grief; encourage me by Your Word.”
And so today, as I sit here at work, I praise God because I did NOT stay crawled up in bed yesterday. Oh, I wanted to retreat into that comfort zone of sleep – but God gave me the strength to get up and have a productive day in spite of the tears and my feelings!
I also realize that if I had not been in His Word on a daily basis, He would not have been able to bring those Scriptures from Psalm to my mind.
Today, God has ministered to my broken heart and soul through the words of a song by Parachute Band:
So I lift my eyes to you Lord
In your strength will I break through Lord
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me
I know your love dispels all my fears
Through the storm I will hold on Lord
And by faith I will walk on Lord
Then I'll see beyond my Calvary one day
And I will be complete in You
This morning, God also clearly told me to read about Christ’s suffering:
II Corinthians 4:8-12 “We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. 9 We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. 10 Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.
11 Yes, we live under constant danger of death because we serve Jesus, so that the life of Jesus will be evident in our dying bodies. 12 So we live in the face of death, but this has resulted in eternal life for you.”
I pray that these words comfort you as they have me.
Let me also add one thing:
If there are words that have been left unsaid that you need to speak to someone: Speak them TODAY.
So much has happened in the past two months since I last wrote in my blog.
*The death of my beloved father
*Getting laid off from my job
*The death of a dear friend
*My oldest son being put back in jail for violation of his probation
Monday was one of the worst days of my life. This week I feel like I have been “hit by a train” – and then it stopped and decided to back up over me! I’m sure each of you have felt that way at some point in your life – if not, inevitably, you will.
My undying thanks to God and to the blessed friends He has put in my life – prayer warriors, friends who listen and who speak Truth to me. I could not have made it through the past couple of days without you!
Let me share a few of my thoughts written in my journal yesterday:
Earlier this morning, God brought 2 things to my mind:
1. The song “Undone” by Mercy Me – which is my “life song”:
When I am overwhelmedHolding pieces of my heart
When I feel my worldStart to fall apart
To the cross I run
Holding high my chains undone
Now I am finally free
Free to be what I've become
Undone
Even in defeat
The face of tragedy
Still you'd have to say thatI found victory
In brokenness comes beauty
Divine fragility
Reminding me of nail scarred hands
Reaching out for me
The words speak for themselves.
2. A few months ago I wrote down my own “Jabez Prayer”. I pray that prayer daily out loud. I realize now that this prayer is not just about God doing the impossible and about God blessing me with good things but ALSO about God doing the impossible IN the bad things and blessing me in the midst of them.
Quote from “My Jabez Prayer”:
My God and King, please expand my opportunities and my impact I such a way that I touch more lives for Your glory. Let me do more for You! I want to be Your servant.
URGENTLY accomplish great things THROUGH me!
Even now, enlarge my borders – Send somebody who needs me – who needs You!
Time and time again I will attempt things large enough that failure is guaranteed … unless YOU step in!
Oh, that Your hand would be with me! Release Your power to accomplish Your will and bring YOU glory through all the seeming impossibilities. Continue the great things You have begun in my life.
I depend on the strong hand of my God. Turn my surrendered need into Your unlimited opportunity. Please do this IN me because I cannot do it alone! I will shout, “God did THIS – nobody else! God is carrying me, giving me the words and giving me the power – and it is wonderful!”
3. And then sitting here in my chair, God brings to mind Scriptures I read a few days ago:
Psalm 119:25: “I lie in the dust, completely discouraged. Revive me by Your Word.”
Psalm 119:28: “I weep with grief; encourage me by Your Word.”
And so today, as I sit here at work, I praise God because I did NOT stay crawled up in bed yesterday. Oh, I wanted to retreat into that comfort zone of sleep – but God gave me the strength to get up and have a productive day in spite of the tears and my feelings!
I also realize that if I had not been in His Word on a daily basis, He would not have been able to bring those Scriptures from Psalm to my mind.
Today, God has ministered to my broken heart and soul through the words of a song by Parachute Band:
So I lift my eyes to you Lord
In your strength will I break through Lord
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me
I know your love dispels all my fears
Through the storm I will hold on Lord
And by faith I will walk on Lord
Then I'll see beyond my Calvary one day
And I will be complete in You
This morning, God also clearly told me to read about Christ’s suffering:
II Corinthians 4:8-12 “We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. 9 We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. 10 Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.
11 Yes, we live under constant danger of death because we serve Jesus, so that the life of Jesus will be evident in our dying bodies. 12 So we live in the face of death, but this has resulted in eternal life for you.”
I pray that these words comfort you as they have me.
Let me also add one thing:
If there are words that have been left unsaid that you need to speak to someone: Speak them TODAY.
The Art of Undivided Attention (10/15/07)
I wrote this over a month ago ... just now getting around to posting it.
On the way home from work today, I was thinking …
Over the weekend a friend and I saw a fantastic movie: “Why Did I Get Married?” I am a big Tyler Perry fan (who wrote, produced and starred in the movie). He is a strong Christian man trying to make it in the insanity of Hollywood – I highly recommend this movie.
But that’s an aside – here is the real topic: The Art of Undivided Attention
There is one scene in the beginning of the movie where the husband and wife are driving to a “vacation” up in the mountains for a week long marriage retreat. They are arguing about how the wife isn’t spending enough time with the husband because her job is so demanding. During this scene, she is constantly checking her BlackBerry. He asks her if she would please mind not doing work during their vacation. Of course, she responds by answering a phone call or an email on her BlackBerry. The husband says something to the affect, “Oh great, a third person to share our vacation.”
So this got me to thinking … in our fast-paced multi-tasking world, have we lost the art of giving another person our undivided attention?
Now, for those of you that have known me for a while know that I am pointing three fingers directly back at myself when I ask this question. I have OFTEN been guilty of carrying on a conversation with a person (either in person or on the phone) while checking my BlackBerry (or whatever the PDA of choice maybe be).
In any relationship, how intrusive would it be to have a third person around at all times with the ability to interrupt at any give moment? Think about it – 10 years ago, that would have been unheard of!
I continue to reflect on this and think of the times when I bring this “art” multi-tasking into my personal life. Multi-tasking when it comes to our jobs, especially, is often a necessity and considered an asset in most careers. However, is it really needed that much in our personal lives? How much did our parents our grandparents multi-task?
Now granted, our grandparents may have been doing chores on the farm and talking to another adult or child – or perhaps, grandma would carry on a conversation with the kids or grandpa while cooking dinner in the kitchen …
But how many of us would find the following scenario commonplace today:
Mom is in the car driving the kids home from school, she is listening to the radio, talking on the cell phone, looking at her GPS for the directions to the new soccer field, getting a text message from her husband and all the while the kids are in the back seat vying for attention? (Oh yea, and possibly even a DVD movie playing in the background … yes, IN THE CAR).
It would be easy to write scenario after scenario of just such relational multi-tasking.
How would you feel if someone actually sat down, looked you in the eye – turned off their cell phone and PDA (the TV, their iPod AND the radio) and gave you their undivided attention? This could be in a marriage, with parent and child, boss and employee, etc. etc.
And even more importantly – how about giving our undivided attention to God?
Certainly has made me think ….
On the way home from work today, I was thinking …
Over the weekend a friend and I saw a fantastic movie: “Why Did I Get Married?” I am a big Tyler Perry fan (who wrote, produced and starred in the movie). He is a strong Christian man trying to make it in the insanity of Hollywood – I highly recommend this movie.
But that’s an aside – here is the real topic: The Art of Undivided Attention
There is one scene in the beginning of the movie where the husband and wife are driving to a “vacation” up in the mountains for a week long marriage retreat. They are arguing about how the wife isn’t spending enough time with the husband because her job is so demanding. During this scene, she is constantly checking her BlackBerry. He asks her if she would please mind not doing work during their vacation. Of course, she responds by answering a phone call or an email on her BlackBerry. The husband says something to the affect, “Oh great, a third person to share our vacation.”
So this got me to thinking … in our fast-paced multi-tasking world, have we lost the art of giving another person our undivided attention?
Now, for those of you that have known me for a while know that I am pointing three fingers directly back at myself when I ask this question. I have OFTEN been guilty of carrying on a conversation with a person (either in person or on the phone) while checking my BlackBerry (or whatever the PDA of choice maybe be).
In any relationship, how intrusive would it be to have a third person around at all times with the ability to interrupt at any give moment? Think about it – 10 years ago, that would have been unheard of!
I continue to reflect on this and think of the times when I bring this “art” multi-tasking into my personal life. Multi-tasking when it comes to our jobs, especially, is often a necessity and considered an asset in most careers. However, is it really needed that much in our personal lives? How much did our parents our grandparents multi-task?
Now granted, our grandparents may have been doing chores on the farm and talking to another adult or child – or perhaps, grandma would carry on a conversation with the kids or grandpa while cooking dinner in the kitchen …
But how many of us would find the following scenario commonplace today:
Mom is in the car driving the kids home from school, she is listening to the radio, talking on the cell phone, looking at her GPS for the directions to the new soccer field, getting a text message from her husband and all the while the kids are in the back seat vying for attention? (Oh yea, and possibly even a DVD movie playing in the background … yes, IN THE CAR).
It would be easy to write scenario after scenario of just such relational multi-tasking.
How would you feel if someone actually sat down, looked you in the eye – turned off their cell phone and PDA (the TV, their iPod AND the radio) and gave you their undivided attention? This could be in a marriage, with parent and child, boss and employee, etc. etc.
And even more importantly – how about giving our undivided attention to God?
Certainly has made me think ….
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
I Refuse To Be Afraid
Last night, at our final Step Study meeting, we felt the power of taking God’s Word and 1) Praying it and 2) reading it out loud with conviction and in the present tense (I call them God affirmations). Let me give you an example:
Isaiah 41:10 (New Living Translation)
Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.I will strengthen you and help you.I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.
“Father God, help me not to be afraid and to remember that You are always with me. Help
me to not be discouraged – You are my God! Please strengthen me and HELP ME! Uphold
me with your victorious right hand!
“I am NOT afraid for God is with me. I am not discouraged because He is my God. He is
strengthening me and helping me. He is holding me up with his victorious hand.”
Isaiah 41:10 (The Message)
Don't panic. I'm with you. There's no need to fear for I'm your God.I'll give you strength. I'll help you. I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.
“Oh God – help me not to panic! Help me to remember that You are always with me and I
have no reason to be afraid! Give me strength! Help me! Hold me steady – keep me firmly
in Your grip!”
“I no longer panic when faced with overwhelming circumstances because God is with me. I
am not afraid because He is my God. I have the strength and help I need and it is from
God. He is holding me steady. He has a firm grip on me!”
Isaiah 41:10 (Amplified)
Fear not [there is nothing to fear], for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties, yes, I will help you; yes, I will hold you up and retain you with My [victorious] right hand of rightness and justice.
Now on this one – let’s try something a little different. I want you to see the difference in these two affirmations. Which one has the most “power”? Which one creates more power when said out loud?
“I will not fear for God is with me. I will not look around me at all the trouble and circumstances and be terrified or dismayed – He is my God. He will strengthen and harden me to difficulties, yes, He WILL help me! I will uphold and retain me with His victorious right hand of rightness and justice.”
“I am not afraid - for God is with me. I look around me – I see all the trouble and circumstances surrounding me and yet I am not terrified or dismayed – He is my God. I am strengthened and hardened (tough!) to difficulties, yes, He is helping me right now! I am upheld and retained by His victorious right hand of rightness and justice.”
NOW … for the added blessing …
This morning, as I ejected the CD out of the radio in the car, there was a song playing on KCBI that I had never heard. The first lyrics I heard being sung were “I refuse to be afraid.” (Yes, I have chill bumps even now just remembering it!)
Here are the lyrics. You can actually hear a sound byte of the chorus by going to the website below. (You have to have Real Player – a free program (there is a link on the website) to play the song.
I Refuse To Be AfraidPsalms 91:5-7, Revelation 14:6-7 (Written by Denise Davis & Marty Funderburk)
The peace I took for granted crumbled suddenly
The world forever changed before my eyes
Somewhere in the rubble of all that used to be
My shattered trust and innocence now lie
But the fear that found me and knocked me to my knees
Only caused me to draw closer to the Christ who lives in me
So let the winds of terror blow
Let them rage against my soul
‘Cause I refuse to be afraid
I refuse to be afraid
I will stand and I will fight
In the power of God’s might
‘Cause I refuse to be afraid
For the God of all creation
Is my Father and my friend
He’s my shelter and protector
He has promised to defend
And because of who He is
I am brave
And I refuse to be afraid
I refuse to be afraid
© 2003 Life Goes On Music (SESAC) Winding Way Music/ASCAP (a division of Daywind Music Publishing) All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission. Programming: Cliff Downs Electric Guitar: Tom Hemby Piano: Cheryl Rogers Drums: John Hammond String Programming: Scott Brasher Background Vocals: Maurice Carter & Shelley Nirider
http://www.apsalmrecords.com/music.html
I am going to have to find a new adjective to describe God – because amazing has just become sorely inadequate!
“Praise You, God, for Your constant watch over us and for communicating with us so loudly and clearly! We love you!”
Isaiah 41:10 (New Living Translation)
Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.I will strengthen you and help you.I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.
“Father God, help me not to be afraid and to remember that You are always with me. Help
me to not be discouraged – You are my God! Please strengthen me and HELP ME! Uphold
me with your victorious right hand!
“I am NOT afraid for God is with me. I am not discouraged because He is my God. He is
strengthening me and helping me. He is holding me up with his victorious hand.”
Isaiah 41:10 (The Message)
Don't panic. I'm with you. There's no need to fear for I'm your God.I'll give you strength. I'll help you. I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.
“Oh God – help me not to panic! Help me to remember that You are always with me and I
have no reason to be afraid! Give me strength! Help me! Hold me steady – keep me firmly
in Your grip!”
“I no longer panic when faced with overwhelming circumstances because God is with me. I
am not afraid because He is my God. I have the strength and help I need and it is from
God. He is holding me steady. He has a firm grip on me!”
Isaiah 41:10 (Amplified)
Fear not [there is nothing to fear], for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties, yes, I will help you; yes, I will hold you up and retain you with My [victorious] right hand of rightness and justice.
Now on this one – let’s try something a little different. I want you to see the difference in these two affirmations. Which one has the most “power”? Which one creates more power when said out loud?
“I will not fear for God is with me. I will not look around me at all the trouble and circumstances and be terrified or dismayed – He is my God. He will strengthen and harden me to difficulties, yes, He WILL help me! I will uphold and retain me with His victorious right hand of rightness and justice.”
“I am not afraid - for God is with me. I look around me – I see all the trouble and circumstances surrounding me and yet I am not terrified or dismayed – He is my God. I am strengthened and hardened (tough!) to difficulties, yes, He is helping me right now! I am upheld and retained by His victorious right hand of rightness and justice.”
NOW … for the added blessing …
This morning, as I ejected the CD out of the radio in the car, there was a song playing on KCBI that I had never heard. The first lyrics I heard being sung were “I refuse to be afraid.” (Yes, I have chill bumps even now just remembering it!)
Here are the lyrics. You can actually hear a sound byte of the chorus by going to the website below. (You have to have Real Player – a free program (there is a link on the website) to play the song.
I Refuse To Be AfraidPsalms 91:5-7, Revelation 14:6-7 (Written by Denise Davis & Marty Funderburk)
The peace I took for granted crumbled suddenly
The world forever changed before my eyes
Somewhere in the rubble of all that used to be
My shattered trust and innocence now lie
But the fear that found me and knocked me to my knees
Only caused me to draw closer to the Christ who lives in me
So let the winds of terror blow
Let them rage against my soul
‘Cause I refuse to be afraid
I refuse to be afraid
I will stand and I will fight
In the power of God’s might
‘Cause I refuse to be afraid
For the God of all creation
Is my Father and my friend
He’s my shelter and protector
He has promised to defend
And because of who He is
I am brave
And I refuse to be afraid
I refuse to be afraid
© 2003 Life Goes On Music (SESAC) Winding Way Music/ASCAP (a division of Daywind Music Publishing) All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission. Programming: Cliff Downs Electric Guitar: Tom Hemby Piano: Cheryl Rogers Drums: John Hammond String Programming: Scott Brasher Background Vocals: Maurice Carter & Shelley Nirider
http://www.apsalmrecords.com/music.html
I am going to have to find a new adjective to describe God – because amazing has just become sorely inadequate!
“Praise You, God, for Your constant watch over us and for communicating with us so loudly and clearly! We love you!”
Monday, September 10, 2007
In my opinion ...
I want to share with you the email that I sent to Fox News today ...
Your website is my primary source for news. In general, I find your new reporting the most fair and balanced in the market.
However, on more than one occasion I have been bothered by the "suggestive" photos that are posted on your website in the name of advertisement and entertainment.
But today you have reached the limit! The photos of Britney Spears in her UNDERWEAR on the HOME PAGE of your website are borderline pornographic and the story accompanying the pictures only helps to spread the "lie" that a woman's body has to be perfect in order to be considering appealing, pretty or even beautiful in our American society.
There are epidemic numbers of men (and women) in this United States who are addicted to porn. It is almost impossible to avoid pornographic materials these days - whether it is on cable TV or magazine covers in the corner store.
Photos such as the ones posted on the Home page of foxnews.com today can "trigger" impulses in men and women that are trying to conquer their addictions. It's not even safe to check the NEWS online now without being subjected to women in their underwear.
I am not ultra-conservative, but I am sensitive to what we are subjecting our children to - do you not think that teenagers and other young people read your Home page?
Not only are the pictures obscene - the headlines and story along with the pictures only perpetuate the image that Hollywood is sending our daughters and nieces about their bodies needing to be perfect. Do you know how many THOUSANDS of women would LOVE to have a body like Britney's? Do you know how many women are out there right now starving themselves because their figure is similar to Britney's - and now they read that she is out of shape and even "fat"!?
This is utterly ridiculous!
Do we really want to be sending this message to the people who are struggling with anorexia and bulimia? Do you have any idea how I, as an "overweight" female", feel after reading articles like this? It's already impossible to meet up to the expectations of the "Hollywood image" for beauty - and now I have to read about it on the Home Page of my favorite and most reliable news source?
What are you thinking?
Your website is my primary source for news. In general, I find your new reporting the most fair and balanced in the market.
However, on more than one occasion I have been bothered by the "suggestive" photos that are posted on your website in the name of advertisement and entertainment.
But today you have reached the limit! The photos of Britney Spears in her UNDERWEAR on the HOME PAGE of your website are borderline pornographic and the story accompanying the pictures only helps to spread the "lie" that a woman's body has to be perfect in order to be considering appealing, pretty or even beautiful in our American society.
There are epidemic numbers of men (and women) in this United States who are addicted to porn. It is almost impossible to avoid pornographic materials these days - whether it is on cable TV or magazine covers in the corner store.
Photos such as the ones posted on the Home page of foxnews.com today can "trigger" impulses in men and women that are trying to conquer their addictions. It's not even safe to check the NEWS online now without being subjected to women in their underwear.
I am not ultra-conservative, but I am sensitive to what we are subjecting our children to - do you not think that teenagers and other young people read your Home page?
Not only are the pictures obscene - the headlines and story along with the pictures only perpetuate the image that Hollywood is sending our daughters and nieces about their bodies needing to be perfect. Do you know how many THOUSANDS of women would LOVE to have a body like Britney's? Do you know how many women are out there right now starving themselves because their figure is similar to Britney's - and now they read that she is out of shape and even "fat"!?
This is utterly ridiculous!
Do we really want to be sending this message to the people who are struggling with anorexia and bulimia? Do you have any idea how I, as an "overweight" female", feel after reading articles like this? It's already impossible to meet up to the expectations of the "Hollywood image" for beauty - and now I have to read about it on the Home Page of my favorite and most reliable news source?
What are you thinking?
Thursday, September 6, 2007
On Crashing and Burning ...
The past few days have been rough for me physically and emotionally. I definitely feel like I have been under attack by the enemy because of a few things:
1. Giving my testimony last Tuesday - allowing God to use my story to help others.
2. Surrendering my food addiction and claiming victory on Thursday night. Also naming my addiction and getting my 60
day chip for sexual purity.
3. Upcoming "The Road Adventure" that I will be attending this weekend.
During my Quiet Time this morning, I finally had some "breakthroughs" - recognizing more patterns in my life and also how I deal with uncomfortable situations. I will share more about those later.
I clearly have learned that I need to "pace myself". My body needs "down time". I look back at my calendar and see that from the 22nd straight through to the 1st (11 days) I had something going on every day and night, non-stop. (Including getting my house ready to put on the market, packing, moving stuff to storage, showing my business plan to new people and finding an apartment.) Now, for some of you that might not seem like a big deal … but for me, it brings on exhaustion. I need some "down time" to refill my emotional "fuel tank." When I do not take this time - when I cram my schedule so full that I do not have an evening at home to just "chill" … I hit rock bottom. Which is what I started doing Saturday afternoon. I kept telling my friend, "I am just so sleepy. All I want to do is sleep."
Saturday afternoon I began to "crash and burn". During my reading last night, I read something that totally identified my situation. When an airplane crashes (esp. in the US) a team is immediately dispatched to figure out WHY the plane crashed. They don't just shrug their shoulders and say, "Gee, we hope it doesn't happen again." In the book, the author compares our failures and mistakes to an airplane crash. It's up to us to figure out WHY we "crashed." For me, I needed to figure out why I keep crashing and burning every few weeks. (Ending up exhausted, emotionally drained and physically sick).
A couple of weeks ago, I read something that really hit home with me - the author said that we often think that the "good" in our life will balance out the "bad". We somehow think that if we have a really "bad" day - then have a really "good" day - that our emotions and physical well-being will be just fine. But he explains that a "good" day or "good" experience is just as emotionally draining as a bad one. We have to take time to "refuel" our emotional tank. I remembering asking myself, "How do I refill my emotional fuel tank?" For some people it might be reading a good book or taking a walk. For the author, it was to go to the movies in the middle of the day - when no one else is there - and just "get out of his mind" for a couple of hours. I even commented to my friend that I wasn't sure WHAT I needed to do to refill my emotional tank.
Well, the past few days proved that I need to LEARN how to refill my emotional tank! I allowed my tank to go past "empty" and ended up crashing and burning.
Now granted, I did not ALLOW myself to sink into depression during this time of "rest". I continued to read God's Word, listening to CD's and continued to read uplifting and motivating books. My heart wasn't really in it - weird thing to admit, I know - but I did what I knew I needed to do to survive. I also threw out a life line to a couple of friends my sending an "SOS email" saying simply: " Pray for me. I am struggling physically and emotionally".
I cried out to God asking Him to "help me" and to help me figure out "what was WRONG!" I went to sleep at night thanking Him for the things He has done and given me - counting my blessings. (Even though I didn't "feel" like it). Asking Him to rescue me from this "funk" that I was in.
This morning in my Quiet Time, I started reading in Psalm 66. I said to God, "I am not going to stop reading until I find something that speaks to me."
I found that "something" in Psalm 69.
Psalm 69: 1-3 (The Message)
God, God, save me!
I'm in over my head, Quicksand under me, swamp water over me;
I'm going down for the third time. I'm hoarse from calling for help,
Bleary-eyed from searching the sky for God.
Psalm 69: 13-18 (New Living Translation)
But I keep praying to you, Lord,
hoping this time you will show me favor.
In your unfailing love, O God, answer my prayer with your sure salvation.
Rescue me from the mud; don’t let me sink any deeper!
Save me from those who hate me, and pull me from these deep waters.
Don’t let the floods overwhelm me, or the deep waters swallow me, or the pit of death devour me.
Answer my prayers, O Lord, for your unfailing love is wonderful.
Take care of me, for your mercy is so plentiful.
Don’t hide from your servant; answer me quickly, for I am in deep trouble!Come and redeem me; free me from my enemies.
I realize that my journey is far from over. I still have much to learn about who I am in Christ and why I do the things I do.
I have two major enemies: satan and my inner enemies (self-doubt, lack of worth, the need to please, etc. etc.) Together they make up "the enemy". "the enemy" clearly does not like that I have made significant progress in my recovery and that God is using my life to help others. Thus, the attack on my physical and emotional health. (You may notice that I decided not to capitalize the first letter of satan and "the enemy". I refuse to give them even that much power!)
I also have a part to play in hindering these attacks - I must learn to "rest and refuel" on a regular basis. Yes, I must also rely on God's strength to help me to press on - but I am not "super-woman". God has clearly revealed to me an area of my life that I need to guard and take care of … my emotional fuel tank. I pray that He will continue to reveal to me the innermost parts of my being that I have no clue are even there and that He will show me how He wants to keep me physically and emotionally fueled.
In the midst of this - there is a huge victory, Praise His Name! I was tempted time and time again by "food" these past few days. I wanted to eat when I wasn't hungry. I wanted to drive to Taco Bueno at least a hundred times - but I didn't. I talked to my accountability partner on Sunday about these horrible cravings that I was having ... which is something I usually don't do. I just try to "suck it up and go it alone". That way if I binge, no one will know, right?
She pointed out to me to things: 1) The opposite of gluttony is not starvation. 2) I need to keep healthy food in my house so that I will not be tempted to go out or order pizza in.
So Monday morning, I went to the grocery store and stocked up on some healthy food - and actually ATE IT instead of going to Taco Bueno!
There is more that God revealed to me this morning ... but I will save that for another blog.
Thank you for joining me in this journey ... I pray we are learning life's lessons together.
1. Giving my testimony last Tuesday - allowing God to use my story to help others.
2. Surrendering my food addiction and claiming victory on Thursday night. Also naming my addiction and getting my 60
day chip for sexual purity.
3. Upcoming "The Road Adventure" that I will be attending this weekend.
During my Quiet Time this morning, I finally had some "breakthroughs" - recognizing more patterns in my life and also how I deal with uncomfortable situations. I will share more about those later.
I clearly have learned that I need to "pace myself". My body needs "down time". I look back at my calendar and see that from the 22nd straight through to the 1st (11 days) I had something going on every day and night, non-stop. (Including getting my house ready to put on the market, packing, moving stuff to storage, showing my business plan to new people and finding an apartment.) Now, for some of you that might not seem like a big deal … but for me, it brings on exhaustion. I need some "down time" to refill my emotional "fuel tank." When I do not take this time - when I cram my schedule so full that I do not have an evening at home to just "chill" … I hit rock bottom. Which is what I started doing Saturday afternoon. I kept telling my friend, "I am just so sleepy. All I want to do is sleep."
Saturday afternoon I began to "crash and burn". During my reading last night, I read something that totally identified my situation. When an airplane crashes (esp. in the US) a team is immediately dispatched to figure out WHY the plane crashed. They don't just shrug their shoulders and say, "Gee, we hope it doesn't happen again." In the book, the author compares our failures and mistakes to an airplane crash. It's up to us to figure out WHY we "crashed." For me, I needed to figure out why I keep crashing and burning every few weeks. (Ending up exhausted, emotionally drained and physically sick).
A couple of weeks ago, I read something that really hit home with me - the author said that we often think that the "good" in our life will balance out the "bad". We somehow think that if we have a really "bad" day - then have a really "good" day - that our emotions and physical well-being will be just fine. But he explains that a "good" day or "good" experience is just as emotionally draining as a bad one. We have to take time to "refuel" our emotional tank. I remembering asking myself, "How do I refill my emotional fuel tank?" For some people it might be reading a good book or taking a walk. For the author, it was to go to the movies in the middle of the day - when no one else is there - and just "get out of his mind" for a couple of hours. I even commented to my friend that I wasn't sure WHAT I needed to do to refill my emotional tank.
Well, the past few days proved that I need to LEARN how to refill my emotional tank! I allowed my tank to go past "empty" and ended up crashing and burning.
Now granted, I did not ALLOW myself to sink into depression during this time of "rest". I continued to read God's Word, listening to CD's and continued to read uplifting and motivating books. My heart wasn't really in it - weird thing to admit, I know - but I did what I knew I needed to do to survive. I also threw out a life line to a couple of friends my sending an "SOS email" saying simply: " Pray for me. I am struggling physically and emotionally".
I cried out to God asking Him to "help me" and to help me figure out "what was WRONG!" I went to sleep at night thanking Him for the things He has done and given me - counting my blessings. (Even though I didn't "feel" like it). Asking Him to rescue me from this "funk" that I was in.
This morning in my Quiet Time, I started reading in Psalm 66. I said to God, "I am not going to stop reading until I find something that speaks to me."
I found that "something" in Psalm 69.
Psalm 69: 1-3 (The Message)
God, God, save me!
I'm in over my head, Quicksand under me, swamp water over me;
I'm going down for the third time. I'm hoarse from calling for help,
Bleary-eyed from searching the sky for God.
Psalm 69: 13-18 (New Living Translation)
But I keep praying to you, Lord,
hoping this time you will show me favor.
In your unfailing love, O God, answer my prayer with your sure salvation.
Rescue me from the mud; don’t let me sink any deeper!
Save me from those who hate me, and pull me from these deep waters.
Don’t let the floods overwhelm me, or the deep waters swallow me, or the pit of death devour me.
Answer my prayers, O Lord, for your unfailing love is wonderful.
Take care of me, for your mercy is so plentiful.
Don’t hide from your servant; answer me quickly, for I am in deep trouble!Come and redeem me; free me from my enemies.
I realize that my journey is far from over. I still have much to learn about who I am in Christ and why I do the things I do.
I have two major enemies: satan and my inner enemies (self-doubt, lack of worth, the need to please, etc. etc.) Together they make up "the enemy". "the enemy" clearly does not like that I have made significant progress in my recovery and that God is using my life to help others. Thus, the attack on my physical and emotional health. (You may notice that I decided not to capitalize the first letter of satan and "the enemy". I refuse to give them even that much power!)
I also have a part to play in hindering these attacks - I must learn to "rest and refuel" on a regular basis. Yes, I must also rely on God's strength to help me to press on - but I am not "super-woman". God has clearly revealed to me an area of my life that I need to guard and take care of … my emotional fuel tank. I pray that He will continue to reveal to me the innermost parts of my being that I have no clue are even there and that He will show me how He wants to keep me physically and emotionally fueled.
In the midst of this - there is a huge victory, Praise His Name! I was tempted time and time again by "food" these past few days. I wanted to eat when I wasn't hungry. I wanted to drive to Taco Bueno at least a hundred times - but I didn't. I talked to my accountability partner on Sunday about these horrible cravings that I was having ... which is something I usually don't do. I just try to "suck it up and go it alone". That way if I binge, no one will know, right?
She pointed out to me to things: 1) The opposite of gluttony is not starvation. 2) I need to keep healthy food in my house so that I will not be tempted to go out or order pizza in.
So Monday morning, I went to the grocery store and stocked up on some healthy food - and actually ATE IT instead of going to Taco Bueno!
There is more that God revealed to me this morning ... but I will save that for another blog.
Thank you for joining me in this journey ... I pray we are learning life's lessons together.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Victory Day!!
Last night was one of the most awesome nights at CR (Celebrate Recovery) that I have ever experienced. It was our first "Chip Night" in Large Group at our church. It was amazing. You could feel the Spirit of God moving in the lives of so many - we ran out of Surrender chips!
I rec'd a blue Surrender chip for my Food Addiction and claim VICTORY over this area of my life. (Before the CR meal, my friend and I prayed together to turn this area of our lives over together. God brought both of us to a place of surrender in the same week!)
I rec'd 60 day chip for Sexual Purity. Today is day 86 of Sexual Purity - by the Grace of God.
I also rec'd my 2 year chip - it has been two years since I rec'd my first Surrender Chip at Willow Bend. That night I stepped out of denial, admitted that I had no control over my life and committed to working the 12 Steps.
Yesterday was a milestone for me. A place of 'drawing a line in the sand' and saying, "No more!" I have crossed over - I will not go back to the place of my addiction! I claim Victory and will help others to claim this same victory.
I would like to share with you my journal entry from last night - about an hour before CR.
08/30/07 Victory Day over my Food Addiction!
August of 2006 - admitted food addiction at CR Summit. Rec'd Surrender Chip acknowledging that I have a food addiction - not just "issues with food."
06/22/07 Promised myself to lose just 5 lbs. a month and started "kind of" following the Trim Advantage program. (As of today, I have lost 13 pounds).
08/27/07 *Wrote in my journal: "Please put an end to my food addiction" after reading Psalm 54. I am not even really sure WHY I wrote this! I re-read Psalm 54 and there is nothing there that would speak to my addiction. After reading John 4 - I wrote: "Jesus said, My nourishment comes from doing the will of God & from finishing His Work."
08/28/07 Gave testimony at Grace Community. Afterwards - a friend who was there said something about how I did not talk about any areas of victory in regards for my food addiction. It really got me to thinking. The next morning, I saw what I had written in my journal the day before * and was amazed that I didn't remember writing it or why! I believe it was clearly the Spirit of God calling me to really deal with my addiction.
So today begins a brand new day! As I read Psalm 60 this morning, I was touched by these words in verses 16-17 (based upon the NLT):
"I sing about Your Power! I shout with joy each morning because of Your Unfailing Love for me! YOU are my refuge, Lord - not food or anything else that I would seek to find comfort or safety in. You are My Strength. I sing praises to You! Thank You for showing me Your Unfailing Love!
And then …
On the opposite page, I notice a Step 3 Devotion titled: "Giving Up Control". (Isn't God AMAZING!?)
After reading this devotion, I wrote: I TAKE STEPS TO CHANGE MY FOCUS AND TURN MY FOOD ADDICTION OVER TO GOD INSTEAD OF REVERTING TO THE HIDING PLACES OF THE PAST."
Yes, I realized that I have been running to food as my refuge instead of running to God.
At the CR Summit last year, there was a handout called "The Solution to My Food Addiction". I wrote affirmations claiming my Victory over food addiction based upon this handout. I read these out loud daily. I am keeping a copy with me at all times. When I am tempted to seek comfort or happiness in food instead of eating healthy food only when I am physically hungry, I will read them out loud and put my focus on God. This is a tool that I have been using in other areas of my life with great success - so I figure it's time to apply it here!
The Solution to My Food Addiction
I realize that I cannot control my addiction to food and I am powerless – but I can control my choices.
I accept responsibility for my actions and make Jesus Lord over every area of life, including the food that I eat.
I am dedicated to learning about healthy eating.
I recognize the difference between physical and emotional hunger.
I turn to God when I want to eat but I am not physically hungry.
I view food as fuel for my body.
I only eat when I am physically hungry and I stop when I am physically full.
I am dedicated to the lifelong process of recovery and I am working through the 12 steps to heal myself.
I am living the life that God has planned for me.
My CR groups provide a safe place to share my fears, hurt and anger and also a place to rejoice and share victories.
I face my character defects and work through these feelings in my group(s).
Each day I take the focus off of food and focus on God.
I recognize that recovery from food addiction is not about my body image or what foods I eat, but it is about trusting God and having an intimate relationship with Him.
I seek a closer relationship with God each day.
Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit are what I need to overcome my fears and meet my needs.
As I surrender my food addiction to God, I come to REALLY know that HE IS ALL I NEED.
I seek God daily by having a quiet time each morning at 5 a.m.
I rely on the Holy Spirit as my source of comfort.
I am transformed by the daily renewing of mind through His Word and Christian music.
I use the tools of recovery when tempted to give in to my food addiction: calling my accountability partner, repeating these affirmations out loud, journaling, attending CR, working the 12 steps, prayer, reading and memorizing God’s Word.
I understand that my worth and value are defined by who I am in Christ and not by being overweight.
For those of you who struggle with this same addiction, I invite you to join me on this journey of victory in Christ Jesus. Let's find strength and encouragement from one another in the presence of our Holy God, who has set us free!
For those of you whose struggles do not include food addiction, I plead with you to pray for us. We so desire for God to be glorified in this area of our lives!
As a youth, one of my favorite Christian songs was "Fill My Cup, Lord." Last night, I re-wrote the words to the chorus and decided that I would sing this in my head whenever I am tempted and tried by my food addiction:
Fill my cup, Lord. I lift if up, Lord. Come satisfy the hunger of my soul.
Bread of Heaven, feed me 'til I want no more
Fill my cup, fill it up and make me whole.
http://members.warpnet.net/karin/images/zfillcup.html
Ephesians 3:19-21 Prayer
"May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it. Then you will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Now glory to God! By His Mighty Power at work within us, he is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever date to ask or hope. May He be given glory in the church and in Christ Jesus forever and ever through endless ages. Amen."
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Relapse and "Rebirth"
Whew! The past week has been the most awesome "whirlwind" - full of answered prayers, challenges, wonderful friends and so much more - I do not know where to start!
God has been answering the cries of my heart left and right - it reminds me of a snowball rolling down a giant hill, gaining momentum.
On Tuesday night, I did something for the very first time. I shared my testimony with another CR group at another church. I had given my testimony twice before at my home church (Chase Oaks Church in Plano - the church formerly known as Fellowship Bible Church North). But that was over 9 months ago and so much has happened in my life since then - at least two new chapters of my life have been written since then! The thing is - up until Tuesday night, I had only shared the story of my relapse and "rebirth" with a few selected people in CR at my church.
The thought of "going public" with my sin - revealing my "double life" to all was VERY scary. For weeks now, I have been asking those closest to me to pray for me regarding this part of my story that I needed to write and share. God was MORE THAN faithful in answering all of those prayers!
I believe that it is time for me to share it with the world - because I believe with all my heart that there is much healing out there in the lives of women that needs to take place in the area of sexual purity. To date, it has been a "taboo" subject in the church. My prayer is that my openness and honesty will bring forth a revival among women (and men) in this area of their lives! I know that it has in my own life!
Here is the latest chapter of my story - I share it with you because it is not my own. This is God's story - written on the pages of my life:
So ... I have been "camped out" in the book of John now for a little over a week. Many things have stirred my heart and I will share them at some point along the way with you. But for today - let me share something that jumped off the page to me from The Message:
John 4:23-24 "It's who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That's the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship. God is sheer being itself—Spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration."
I will let the Word of God speak for itself in whatever way He sees fit. It was just a reminder to me of how He longs for our true worship - in whatever form we feel like expressing.
God has been answering the cries of my heart left and right - it reminds me of a snowball rolling down a giant hill, gaining momentum.
On Tuesday night, I did something for the very first time. I shared my testimony with another CR group at another church. I had given my testimony twice before at my home church (Chase Oaks Church in Plano - the church formerly known as Fellowship Bible Church North). But that was over 9 months ago and so much has happened in my life since then - at least two new chapters of my life have been written since then! The thing is - up until Tuesday night, I had only shared the story of my relapse and "rebirth" with a few selected people in CR at my church.
The thought of "going public" with my sin - revealing my "double life" to all was VERY scary. For weeks now, I have been asking those closest to me to pray for me regarding this part of my story that I needed to write and share. God was MORE THAN faithful in answering all of those prayers!
I believe that it is time for me to share it with the world - because I believe with all my heart that there is much healing out there in the lives of women that needs to take place in the area of sexual purity. To date, it has been a "taboo" subject in the church. My prayer is that my openness and honesty will bring forth a revival among women (and men) in this area of their lives! I know that it has in my own life!
Here is the latest chapter of my story - I share it with you because it is not my own. This is God's story - written on the pages of my life:
In October of last year, when I gave my CR testimony for the first time I wrote:
"Through CR, God also gave me tools and principles that keep me from sinking into those deep overwhelming times of depression. God has delivered me from unhealthy relationships with men and my sexual addiction. I no longer need a man or a best friend in my life to be complete and happy. I am truly made complete in Jesus Christ."
In Step 10 we are given a warning in I Corinthians 10:12 that I did not heed:
"Through CR, God also gave me tools and principles that keep me from sinking into those deep overwhelming times of depression. God has delivered me from unhealthy relationships with men and my sexual addiction. I no longer need a man or a best friend in my life to be complete and happy. I am truly made complete in Jesus Christ."
In Step 10 we are given a warning in I Corinthians 10:12 that I did not heed:
"So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!"
Less than a month later, I met in person for the first time in almost 10 years the man that I had had the online affair with back in 1997. I felt confident that nothing would happen because we were "just friends" and there was no way that he would be attracted to someone like me - after all I am 9 years older and fat. And after all, I was in recovery. I thought I was safe and in no danger of relapsing back into those old patterns of sexual and relationship addiction. How wrong I was! The relationship only lasted about a month - but those feelings of wanting to feel "loved" and wanted by a man emerged with a vengeance. In February of this year, I began a sexual relationship with a man that was and still is a good friend of mine. Now keep in mind, that during all of this I am actively involved in CR and was even leading a Step Study! I was living a double life.
In April, my close friend and accountability partner talked me into going to our church ladies retreat. I had not been to anything like that in over 10 years and was very apprehensive about going. During that retreat, she and I were sitting outside talking about "stuff" like girls do and out of the blue she asked me, "So how's the sexual purity in your relationship with "my friend". I about fell off my chair! I immediately began to pour my heart and soul out to her about my "other life". The thing was - I was still enjoying that sin and did not want to give it up. I was able to be honest with her about that - which was something new for me. During my time alone with God the next morning - I was honest with Him about what He already knew. I wrote in my journal: "Meet me here, God, where I am - full of flaws and known sin that I enjoy and don't want to let go of - I don't want to hold back, but I am" I must stop rationalizing my sin and ADMIT the truth. Thank You God for bringing me this far - for convicting me patiently and allowing me time to work through this … to truly rip this sin out of my life from its roots."
There is not another entry in my journal for two months. I walked away from that retreat and back into the same double life. I was becoming increasing miserable - stressed from a new job, plagued by sickness and gradually returning to the isolation and depression that I thought I had left far behind.
I would often go to sleep crying - the only prayer I could pray was, "God help me!" About 7 weeks after my "retreat confession", my friend and I mutally decided to put an end to the sexual part of our relationship for good. By the middle of June, I was reaching a breaking point. I had "hinted" of my hidden sin during times of sharing at CR but had never admitted the depth of my sin to anyone but my accountability partner. It was eating me alive.
On June 22, I "drew a line" in the sand and said "I've had enough!" I began to make some deliberate changes in my life because I was sick of what I had become. In my journal (the 1st entry in 2 months) I wrote: "True freedom is found as I turn my life over to God depending not in my own willpower or strength but on His powerful and firm intervention." God intervened in my life in a powerful way … The next day, I was meeting with the ladies I was leading in our Step Study for a 4th Step workshop. God began a real work of deliverance in my heart through that workshop that continued throughout the entire weekend. I look back on that weekend and I honestly believe I was reborn for a third time - at least that's what it felt like! I confessed my sin openly and honestly to my close Christian friend, Denver, that night. I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off of my shoulders!
Less than a month later, I met in person for the first time in almost 10 years the man that I had had the online affair with back in 1997. I felt confident that nothing would happen because we were "just friends" and there was no way that he would be attracted to someone like me - after all I am 9 years older and fat. And after all, I was in recovery. I thought I was safe and in no danger of relapsing back into those old patterns of sexual and relationship addiction. How wrong I was! The relationship only lasted about a month - but those feelings of wanting to feel "loved" and wanted by a man emerged with a vengeance. In February of this year, I began a sexual relationship with a man that was and still is a good friend of mine. Now keep in mind, that during all of this I am actively involved in CR and was even leading a Step Study! I was living a double life.
In April, my close friend and accountability partner talked me into going to our church ladies retreat. I had not been to anything like that in over 10 years and was very apprehensive about going. During that retreat, she and I were sitting outside talking about "stuff" like girls do and out of the blue she asked me, "So how's the sexual purity in your relationship with "my friend". I about fell off my chair! I immediately began to pour my heart and soul out to her about my "other life". The thing was - I was still enjoying that sin and did not want to give it up. I was able to be honest with her about that - which was something new for me. During my time alone with God the next morning - I was honest with Him about what He already knew. I wrote in my journal: "Meet me here, God, where I am - full of flaws and known sin that I enjoy and don't want to let go of - I don't want to hold back, but I am" I must stop rationalizing my sin and ADMIT the truth. Thank You God for bringing me this far - for convicting me patiently and allowing me time to work through this … to truly rip this sin out of my life from its roots."
There is not another entry in my journal for two months. I walked away from that retreat and back into the same double life. I was becoming increasing miserable - stressed from a new job, plagued by sickness and gradually returning to the isolation and depression that I thought I had left far behind.
I would often go to sleep crying - the only prayer I could pray was, "God help me!" About 7 weeks after my "retreat confession", my friend and I mutally decided to put an end to the sexual part of our relationship for good. By the middle of June, I was reaching a breaking point. I had "hinted" of my hidden sin during times of sharing at CR but had never admitted the depth of my sin to anyone but my accountability partner. It was eating me alive.
On June 22, I "drew a line" in the sand and said "I've had enough!" I began to make some deliberate changes in my life because I was sick of what I had become. In my journal (the 1st entry in 2 months) I wrote: "True freedom is found as I turn my life over to God depending not in my own willpower or strength but on His powerful and firm intervention." God intervened in my life in a powerful way … The next day, I was meeting with the ladies I was leading in our Step Study for a 4th Step workshop. God began a real work of deliverance in my heart through that workshop that continued throughout the entire weekend. I look back on that weekend and I honestly believe I was reborn for a third time - at least that's what it felt like! I confessed my sin openly and honestly to my close Christian friend, Denver, that night. I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off of my shoulders!
The next day I wrote in my journal:
Isaiah's first words when he saw the Lord were "My destruction is sealed! He recognized the depth and futileness of his sin! God touched my mouth with hot coals - my confession to and talk with Denver was painful .. but it was a divine appointment. The beginning of my cleansing. Both bitter and joyful tears"
The following Monday I confessed my sin openly and honestly to my Step Study Group - then to the ladies Small Group on Thursday night. Those were two of the hardest things I had ever done in my life. A month later, I confessed my sin to the CR leadership team at my church. I was so afraid of being met with condemnation or judgment. I had a great fear of being "kicked out of leadership" - but our leadership team gathered around me, laid hands on me and prayed prayers over me that I will never forget.
I want to give God praise for His current victory over sexual addiction in my life
Isaiah's first words when he saw the Lord were "My destruction is sealed! He recognized the depth and futileness of his sin! God touched my mouth with hot coals - my confession to and talk with Denver was painful .. but it was a divine appointment. The beginning of my cleansing. Both bitter and joyful tears"
The following Monday I confessed my sin openly and honestly to my Step Study Group - then to the ladies Small Group on Thursday night. Those were two of the hardest things I had ever done in my life. A month later, I confessed my sin to the CR leadership team at my church. I was so afraid of being met with condemnation or judgment. I had a great fear of being "kicked out of leadership" - but our leadership team gathered around me, laid hands on me and prayed prayers over me that I will never forget.
I want to give God praise for His current victory over sexual addiction in my life
- today (August 28) I celebrate 83 days of sexual purity.
I look upon my life just two months later and I see the most dramatic changes of my entire life. You see - God still had some lessons for me to REALLY learn. I walked through the depths of sin this year - I got caught in the old traps I thought I had learned to avoid. But now I have purpose and hope - stronger than ever before. God has opened up doors of blessing and ministry since then that I never dreamed possible.
I look upon my life just two months later and I see the most dramatic changes of my entire life. You see - God still had some lessons for me to REALLY learn. I walked through the depths of sin this year - I got caught in the old traps I thought I had learned to avoid. But now I have purpose and hope - stronger than ever before. God has opened up doors of blessing and ministry since then that I never dreamed possible.
When people ask my how I am these days, I say, "I have never been better!" And I truly mean it!
Thank you for letting me share with you.
On 8/18/07 I wrote in my Bible: "Feel God leading me to read the book of John. I want to get to know Jesus better." 4 days later, I visited a new Life Group for the first time - and lo and behold, guess what book they were starting to study that night? You guessed it, John!So ... I have been "camped out" in the book of John now for a little over a week. Many things have stirred my heart and I will share them at some point along the way with you. But for today - let me share something that jumped off the page to me from The Message:
John 4:23-24 "It's who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That's the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship. God is sheer being itself—Spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration."
I will let the Word of God speak for itself in whatever way He sees fit. It was just a reminder to me of how He longs for our true worship - in whatever form we feel like expressing.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
My First Blog ... ever!
I love to express my thoughts, feelings and experiences through writing. I am not a professional writer - I write much I like would talk in a conversation with you. Writing helps me to clarify my beliefs - it helps me to share a part of my inner self with others.
I ask you to join me in The Journey - this Journey we call LIFE.
All of LIFE involves three things: The Dream, The Struggle, The Victory.
(Not my original words - I heard this phrase on a CD that I listen to on a regular basis by Lennon Ledbetter).
In this blog, I want to share with you my dreams ... my struggles ... and my victories.
My dream is to live a life of ministry: to my family, my friends, to others struggling along their own journey.
Recently, I re-read the book, "The Prayer of Jabez" by Bruce Wilkinson. I had read this book years ago, when I was at a "difficult" time in my life - I just wasn't "ready" for the concepts in this book. It had been sitting on the top of my bookshelf for over a year now. For some reason, about 6 weeks ago, I picked it up and decided to read it again.
WOW ~ this time the impact was powerful. As I read the book, I highlighted key phrases that "hit home with me." A few days later, I went back through the book and turned all the phrases that I highlighted in my prayer. I read this prayer outloud every day- and each day a different part of it become reality. God's power has "enlarged my territory" beyond my wildest dreams in just a few short weeks. This prayer has become the prayer of my dreams:
07/12/07
Dear God,
I need a bigger vision for my life. I pray for Your powerful will for my future – I plead with You to answer my request. I know that You long to give me so much more than I ever thought to ask for. I desire to reach for a life that will be more honorable for God … nothing but Your fullest blessing will do! I long to hear You say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
In confidence, I believe that You will bring it to pass. Let the loving currents of Your grace and power carry me along. Your great plan for me will surround me and sweep me forward into the important & satisfying life You have waiting for me!
I cry out for the wonderful unlimited goodness that only God has the power to know about or give me. I refuse to let any obstacle, person or opinion loom larger that God’s nature. And Your nature is to bless us! Your nature is to bless me! Enlarge my life so that I can make a greater impact for You. My family, my friends, my job, my business, my circle of influence and my ministry YOU have entrusted to me.
My God and King, please expand my opportunities and my impact I such a way that I touch more lives for Your glory. Let me do more for You! I want to be Your servant.
URGENTLY accomplish great things THROUGH me!
Even now, enlarge my borders – Send somebody who needs me – who needs You!
Time and time again I will attempt things large enough that failure is guaranteed … unless YOU step in!
Oh, that Your hand would be with me! Release Your power to accomplish Your will and bring YOU glory through all the seeming impossibilities. Continue the great things You have begun in my life.
I depend on the strong hand of my God. Turn my surrendered need into Your unlimited opportunity. Please do this IN me because I cannot do it alone! I will be shouting, “God did THAT – nobody else! God carried me, gave me the words and gave me the power – and it is wonderful!”
My only power and success come from You, Father God.
Lord, by Your Spirit, pull off something great for Your glory. I pray for Your Holy Spirit to move in my church, my family, my friends and in my team – bring repentance and revival.
Keep me from evil! Keep me away from temptation! I plead for Your safekeeping.
Keep me from making the mistakes I’m more prone to when temptation comes. I confess that what I think is necessary, smart or personally beneficial is so often only the beautiful wrapping of sin. Keep me far away from evil. Keep me safe from the pain and grief that sin brings. For the dangers I can’t see are the ones that I think I can risk because of my experience (pride and carelessness). Put up a supernatural barrier! Protect me, Father, by Your power! Keep me safe from temptations that pull at my emotions and my physical needs that call out to my sense of what I deserve, what I have “the right” to feel and enjoy. YOU are the true source of all that is really life, directing my steps away from all that is not of You. I want to live FREE from the bondage of evil!
I earnestly want what You want! Daily – arrange an appointment for ministry. Do not let sin break the flow of Your power – help me to remember this!
I Chronicles 4:10 – The Prayer of Jabez
He was the one who prayed to the God of Israel, “Oh, that you would bless me and expand my territory! Please be with me in all that I do, and keep me from all trouble and pain!”
I ask you to join me in The Journey - this Journey we call LIFE.
All of LIFE involves three things: The Dream, The Struggle, The Victory.
(Not my original words - I heard this phrase on a CD that I listen to on a regular basis by Lennon Ledbetter).
In this blog, I want to share with you my dreams ... my struggles ... and my victories.
My dream is to live a life of ministry: to my family, my friends, to others struggling along their own journey.
Recently, I re-read the book, "The Prayer of Jabez" by Bruce Wilkinson. I had read this book years ago, when I was at a "difficult" time in my life - I just wasn't "ready" for the concepts in this book. It had been sitting on the top of my bookshelf for over a year now. For some reason, about 6 weeks ago, I picked it up and decided to read it again.
WOW ~ this time the impact was powerful. As I read the book, I highlighted key phrases that "hit home with me." A few days later, I went back through the book and turned all the phrases that I highlighted in my prayer. I read this prayer outloud every day- and each day a different part of it become reality. God's power has "enlarged my territory" beyond my wildest dreams in just a few short weeks. This prayer has become the prayer of my dreams:
07/12/07
Dear God,
I need a bigger vision for my life. I pray for Your powerful will for my future – I plead with You to answer my request. I know that You long to give me so much more than I ever thought to ask for. I desire to reach for a life that will be more honorable for God … nothing but Your fullest blessing will do! I long to hear You say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
In confidence, I believe that You will bring it to pass. Let the loving currents of Your grace and power carry me along. Your great plan for me will surround me and sweep me forward into the important & satisfying life You have waiting for me!
I cry out for the wonderful unlimited goodness that only God has the power to know about or give me. I refuse to let any obstacle, person or opinion loom larger that God’s nature. And Your nature is to bless us! Your nature is to bless me! Enlarge my life so that I can make a greater impact for You. My family, my friends, my job, my business, my circle of influence and my ministry YOU have entrusted to me.
My God and King, please expand my opportunities and my impact I such a way that I touch more lives for Your glory. Let me do more for You! I want to be Your servant.
URGENTLY accomplish great things THROUGH me!
Even now, enlarge my borders – Send somebody who needs me – who needs You!
Time and time again I will attempt things large enough that failure is guaranteed … unless YOU step in!
Oh, that Your hand would be with me! Release Your power to accomplish Your will and bring YOU glory through all the seeming impossibilities. Continue the great things You have begun in my life.
I depend on the strong hand of my God. Turn my surrendered need into Your unlimited opportunity. Please do this IN me because I cannot do it alone! I will be shouting, “God did THAT – nobody else! God carried me, gave me the words and gave me the power – and it is wonderful!”
My only power and success come from You, Father God.
Lord, by Your Spirit, pull off something great for Your glory. I pray for Your Holy Spirit to move in my church, my family, my friends and in my team – bring repentance and revival.
Keep me from evil! Keep me away from temptation! I plead for Your safekeeping.
Keep me from making the mistakes I’m more prone to when temptation comes. I confess that what I think is necessary, smart or personally beneficial is so often only the beautiful wrapping of sin. Keep me far away from evil. Keep me safe from the pain and grief that sin brings. For the dangers I can’t see are the ones that I think I can risk because of my experience (pride and carelessness). Put up a supernatural barrier! Protect me, Father, by Your power! Keep me safe from temptations that pull at my emotions and my physical needs that call out to my sense of what I deserve, what I have “the right” to feel and enjoy. YOU are the true source of all that is really life, directing my steps away from all that is not of You. I want to live FREE from the bondage of evil!
I earnestly want what You want! Daily – arrange an appointment for ministry. Do not let sin break the flow of Your power – help me to remember this!
I Chronicles 4:10 – The Prayer of Jabez
He was the one who prayed to the God of Israel, “Oh, that you would bless me and expand my territory! Please be with me in all that I do, and keep me from all trouble and pain!”
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